Me, contemplating selling my sons on eBay. Or thinking about having a second beer before the first one is finished.
Parents start out with this squalling bundle of fragile skin, bones, and big eyes. It has no control over its bodily functions. We get this thing thrust into our arms and we’re told to help it grow.
That includes teaching them about potty training, and training wheels on bikes. It includes soccer games, video games, knowing when to say no. It includes a huge no-whining rule. Homework, and housework, and learning to cook. And that death of loved ones is also a part of living, and loving.
(Of course, all this training of kids is done without ANY manual because the manuals you’ve read are all outdated/touchy-feely/tigerish/ and don’t fit with YOUR family and lifestyle. So we’re all skidding along, without a map and without a guide, going purely on gut instinct and learning as we go.)
Then come talks about sex. Safe sane and consensual sex. Condoms. Gentlemanly behavior. Dating. Driver’s Education. Driver’s license. College applications.
All these things have hit my husband and I as parents, and we’ve dealt with it. The one thing that we can’t seem to get past? The one thing that has taken more lectures, more tantrums, more angry glares and slammed doors from all parties concerned than all the other things combined?
Getting our spawn to get out there and find JOBS. Yes, the economy is bad. But you know what? Teenagers are getting jobs all the time. Mine aren’t. (Okay, at 19 and 22, only one is a teen, and that one barely.) I can only think they’re sabotaging themselves.
So it’s holiday hire time. I’m having to hold my sons’ hands as they fill out applications (so I know for sure they’ve done it) and drive them to the mall for those outlets that don’t have online applications (again, so I know they’ve done it). Every weekend from now until DOOMSDAY will be spent getting them to find work.
It’s exhausting. Does anyone want two bright, strong boys? I’ll sell hire them out, cheap….
~ Until the next time, cheers – and remember to drink responsibly! ~
Demon Soul, Blood Dreams and Demon Hunt are all available for the Kindle! Have you fallen into the Caine Brothers’ world yet?
I wish you all the luck in the world. I have a few family members that have become forever students. The problem is, the longer to go without putting yourself out there, the harder it will be to jump in, or even squeeze into the job market. Yes, it’s scary, but once they do it they can feel great about themselves and pat themselves on the back for a job well done. Crossing my fingers for you.
Thanks, hon. They know all the upsides to finding a job. They are just slackers. I know but it had to be said, lol!
Just think, in a few years you’ll be in my position…hugs!
Ah, darlin’, my heart bleeds for you! And also does a little happy dance because I don’t have to go through what you are going through now. I had an offspring, who shall remain nameless, who once said with all the drama he could muster (oh I just eliminated half my offspring!) “I would rather die than work fast food!” That became a family chant when faced with a task we didn’t want to do. And that was back in the days when there was no Facebook, cell phones or computers on which to spend your entire day. I really think that’s part of the problem — they can’t imagine having to be out of touch for 8 hours every day. Help them understand that everyone has to have a few jobs that they only want to do for a short time, while they learn what they like and don’t like. I think sometimes they are afraid they will have to fry burgers or wait tables forever if they start out that way. Good luck, sweetie. They will be gainfully employed — some day soon!
Nancy, I told them this is my last big job as a parent – to get them to find a job. And I can’t seem to manage it.
I will say, when Tom asked me to marry him and move to Los Angeles, that I absolutely and categorically refused to do restaurant work – and to both of our credit, I never have. However, office work is harder to come by if you’re a guy, apparently. We shall see!
And trust me when I say they know they need to get work. Tom’s currently out of work and the bills are – well, they are what they are. But I can’t kick them out! Selling them on Craig’s List, though (because hubby said eBay is all wrong) may be the way to go.
Lordie–you crack me up! The foster daughter is working (hooray!) at a trendy gift shop in Long Beach–part time–while dabbling in junior college. And did I mention she is 22? Did I further mention she continues to get fifty dollar a pop parking tickets because she can’t seem to get there early enough to find a free parking place or to feed the meter? Did I mention she continually asks for gas money because it has gotten so expensive and it cost ten dollars a day to commute to Long Beach? WTF???
Her compadres are graduating university or darn close. She? Afraid to make that mistake? ” Can’t decide on what career to choose.
“Everyone has to have a few jobs that they only want to do for a short time, while they learn what they like and don’t like.”
OR she just wants to be an eternal teenager flirting, hanging out, dating, being ‘cute and sexy’. She doesn’t want a boyfriend where his parents have given him everything and are still supporting him (been there, done that)–so one might ask why that seems okay for her to do? Too logical.
“What is the plan? What trade would you like to train for? What entry level job would you like to try? What, where, when????” JUST DO IT!! It won’t be perfect. It won’t be forever. It won’t pay for your first home, but it will place you where you have a FUTURE to attain these things. Train to do “IT”. Get hired doing “IT”. Make some money doing “IT”. Then if you don’t like it, try something else. Re train for something else in the evenings—you know, like an adult would–while you are working at “IT” to pay the bills. It is always best to come from a place of strength (being employed, hopefully for more than minimum wage ‘high school/college make it through pocket money job) to lateral to something you might like better.
It takes most mere mortals years to discover their passion. Some never do. It takes guts to keep searching, but when you hit upon it oh boy—is it worth it!!
Oh, and deary—don’t ever rely on a man to pay for you. Cinderella is a fairy tale and so is the Sugar Daddy. Gain an employable skill and keep it in your back pocket even if you do ultimately decide to be a stay at home Mom. The day will come that you want or need to step into the workforce and you probably won’t want to be flipping burgers then—or flirting from behind the seven dollar an hour gift shop counter.
I’d ask if your son’s have a girl, but they couldn’t afford each other. No gas money.
My total and utter sympathies. It took me FOREVER to empty the nest, to the point where I threatened to sell the house and move into a one bedroom apartment. I even put the house up for sale, finally convincing my daughter that I meant business. When she asked where was she going to live, I said “Wherever you find a place to lay your head.”
Lo and behold, a week later she had a job, after she saw me showing the house to prospective buyers. Amazing what desperation can do. I love my daughter with all my heart, but it was time to push her out of the nest.
I feel for you, Christine. Rest assured, it’s not just your boys, but a whole generation, many of which have dutifully done the education thing our generation impressed upon them that they needed only to find they’re now competing with people their parent’s age, with decades of work experience, for entry level jobs.
It’s not that they’re lazy, they’re disillusioned.
I’m luckier than most. Post master’s degree my oldest found a good job that she kept for a year before the economy forced her out of it and back to school for her PhD. I’m marrying her off in a few months, but she’ll soon be finished with school (again) and looking for employment.
As for the younger one, post master’s degree, she hit the wall in her chosen profession, losing job after job to those older folks trying to reclaim their careers. She ultimately got a job as a police officer and off she went to the Police Academy. She’s gainfully employed, but just barely. It’s not what she envisioned herself doing at this stage in her life, but it’s work she’s grateful to have.
Best of luck to your boys. Keep encouraging and understand they’re probably adjusting to a new reality they never envisioned.
They looooove you. They want to stay close. Real close. Rent-free close. You’ve gotten so many words of wisdom from people who have been through the same struggle with their own kids, frankly, I should be taking notes, not leaving one. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that a couple of those applications lead to interviews, and some of those interviews lead to offers. But if the paying jobs remain elusive, I know the Los Angeles Mission, APLA and lots of other organizations could use a couple bright, strong young men. Maybe do some good and build the resume, all at once? (Suggests the woman who currently volunteers once a year, if that).
I feel for you. But you’re not alone. My daughter finally got a good paying, full-time job and she’s 32! Granted she has three kids, but it’s tough a job market. Take deep breaths and drink lots of wine.
Oh, man. My boys are still little – 4 years old and 7 months old – but the older one has just invented a “new” “game” called “Mommy, look!” and then whips out his penis. So, pass me a beer…