Photo of me and a glass of beer.

Me, contemplating selling my sons on eBay. Or thinking about having a second beer before the first one is finished.

Parents start out with this squalling bundle of fragile skin, bones, and big eyes. It has no control over its bodily functions. We get this thing thrust into our arms and we’re told to help it grow.

That includes teaching them about potty training, and training wheels on bikes. It includes soccer games, video games, knowing when to say no. It includes a huge no-whining rule. Homework, and housework, and learning to cook. And that death of loved ones is also a part of living, and loving.

(Of course, all this training of kids is done without ANY manual because the manuals you’ve read are all outdated/touchy-feely/tigerish/ and don’t fit with YOUR family and lifestyle. So we’re all skidding along, without a map and without a guide, going purely on gut instinct and learning as we go.)

Then come talks about sex. Safe sane and consensual sex. Condoms. Gentlemanly behavior. Dating. Driver’s Education. Driver’s license. College applications.

All these things have hit my husband and I as parents, and we’ve dealt with it. The one thing that we can’t seem to get past? The one thing that has taken more lectures, more tantrums, more angry glares and slammed doors from all parties concerned than all the other things combined?

Getting our spawn to get out there and find JOBS. Yes, the economy is bad. But you know what? Teenagers are getting jobs all the time. Mine aren’t. (Okay, at 19 and 22, only one is a teen, and that one barely.) I can only think they’re sabotaging themselves.

So it’s holiday hire time. I’m having to hold my sons’ hands as they fill out applications (so I know for sure they’ve done it) and drive them to the mall for those outlets that don’t have online applications (again, so I know they’ve done it). Every weekend from now until DOOMSDAY will be spent getting them to find work.

It’s exhausting. Does anyone want two bright, strong boys? I’ll sell hire them out, cheap….

~ Until the next time, cheers – and remember to drink responsibly! ~

Demon Soul, Blood Dreams and Demon Hunt are all available for the Kindle! Have you fallen into the Caine Brothers’ world yet?